WARNING: Below is an “introspective” post…potentially bordering on self-help. This is a departure for the author who feels much more comfortable writing about baby toupees and female urination devices(FUDs). Read at your own risk.
At 4pm on Halloween night I abandoned my husband and kids with 30-minutes notice…and I would do it all over again.
My favorite band while I was in my 20′s was Phish. For those who don’t know who Phish is, they’re a really inventive, eclectic jam band in the spirit of the Grateful Dead (also a personal fave), but with a totally different sound. I’ve seen them over 30 times, which may sound like a lot, but compared to other die-hards it’s not. I associate their music and their shows with some of the happiest, most carefree moments of my life. The band broke up in 2004 and everyone thought that was it, but they reunited earlier this year for a set of dates, none of which were within reasonable driving distance from where we live. A couple of months ago they announced they were going to host a 3-day festival in Indio, CA – about 2-hrs from home – over Halloween weekend. Their Halloween shows are legendary. They come in “musical costume”, choosing a famous album from a famous band and cover it start to finish. They hadn’t played a Halloween show since 1998.
I was dying to go, but responsibilities (i.e., work and family) made going seem unreasonable. But that didn’t stop me from still dying to go. I listened to Friday night’s show via live stream. Saturday, after a morning of running errands and in the midst of being up to my elbows in pumpkin bread batter, I became so bummed out I wasn’t going to be there. It’s so close I can touch it and I’m doing basically what I do day-in and day-out. I decided to go. My husband was super-cool and encouraging. Within 30 minutes of deciding I was going, I was in my car – sunroof open, giddy with excitement, driving as fast as I could without getting caught, heading to Indio by myself. I got there about 10 minutes before the show started and spent the next 4.5 hours listening to my favorite band…with an enormous grin on my face the entire time – a natural high from being alone (aside from the other 39,999 people there) doing something 100% for myself for no other reason than because it’s fun. I was totally happy. I wasn’t anyone’s mother or wife. I was just me, living in that very moment, shaking my butt in the middle of the desert to some great tunes. I wish I could bottle that feeling so I could dab it on my wrists whenever life becomes mundane.
I had a 2-hour drive home after the show so there was a lot of time to think about why it’s so hard nowadays to feel like THAT. It’s not rocket science but the entire experience became a proof point for what I already know. And now I will generalize to include all of you too.
We mothers don’t do enough for ourselves. We don’t take enough time away from our husbands, partners, children. They are our priority and we give up a lot of who we are to be present for them and, in the process, forget who we are and what makes us happy.
When is the last time you did something strictly for yourself because it’s what you absolutely LOVE to do? And, squeezing in a pedicure before you pick up the kids from school does not count. Neither does working out, because who in their right minds would really do that purely for the joy of it? Exercise is disqualified due to ulterior motives. I’m talking about something that requires at least 4 hours of time away from your family and immerses you in something that is only about what you love.
I think need we need to take a break from our families more often then we do. It will make us better mothers, partners, wives. I only slept two hours last night but I feel great because I got back in touch – at least a little- with who I am. You should try it. What will you do?
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November 1st, 2009 at 4:27 pm
sick! congrats on what seems to have been a wonderful impulsive decision. i saw this randomly on twitter and think its bad-ass that you took some time for yourself and took advantage of phish playing in your backyard (practically).
my wife is pregnant and we decided not to go to the fest because of our changing priorities, here’s to hoping that we always remember to take some time for ourselves as well.
November 1st, 2009 at 5:47 pm
Andy, I love that you think it’s bad-ass because I felt pretty bad-ass being that spontaneous. Thanks for the comment and congrats on your pending arrival. BTW, did you hear that acoustic set today? It was so good. So wish I could’ve been there today too.
November 1st, 2009 at 8:15 pm
I recently had a similar experience, I also feel like I don’t take enough time for myself, so I purchased tickets to see someone in concert I had missed the last time they were on tour. I had the tickets for a few months and was so giddy the day of the show, My husband said I was acting like I was twelve not in an insulting way I think it really had been so long since he saw me so excited. I hadn’t hired a sitter in a year and a half {grandparents excluded} I told her she was the last sitter they had, she laughed knowing how long it had really been. It certainly was a night to remember, nice dinner with my amazing husband and then a night of fantastic music from Rob Thomas, two amazing men in one night! LOL-see I am acting like I am twelve or maybe 22 all I know for sure is it had been quite some time since I saw me real self
and to tell the truth it was great to share it with my husband whom I feel I never get to see enough of.
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:15 am
I’m jealous. I wanted to go to Rob Zombie last night, but my mom had our son on Saturday night. I couldn’t be that mean to her. I think we all need to do things like that. Caden went to my mom’s on Halloween night. They took him trick or treating. We had already done at least 5 Halloween related events this month. The husband and I assembled our new kitchen table, ordered pizza, and somewhat relaxed!
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:18 am
All I can say is that this needs to be our new matra! We, as mothers, are everything to everyone else. I love that you said,”I wasn’t anyone’s mother or wife. I was just me, living in that very moment…” Reminds me of a girls weekend I had with 6 other girls, like (sad to say) 2 years ago. We partied it up down in Atlantic City, NJ and we went to see a live band. We were front row, cocktails in hand singing and dancing our asses off to a cover band playing Bon Jovi and IT WAS AMAZING.
Totally related to this post. Rock on.
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:55 am
[...] You’ll notice I reposted my last HMWW (What Have You Done for YOU Lately?) post on OCFamily. I don’t plan on doing this on a regular basis…I just felt strongly [...]
November 2nd, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Congratulations on your new post place. LOVE that you drove off in a mad frenzy toward your passion. And that you drove two hours, both ways, I LOVE THAT! You Rock! A great lesson, we should all rock too.
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
I’m leaving my family for a whole week for the first time ever. I almost didn’t do it because I felt so guilty, but they’ll survive and maybe even appreciate me a bit more when I get back (hopefully!)
The concert sounded awesome – it’s so great that you did it!
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:39 am
Thanks so much for your comments, Ladies! I love that this resonates with you. Your families will survive if you leave them – whether for only a few hours or a few days. Do it! You will NOT be sorry. Start planning now…
November 11th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
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This post was mentioned on Twitter by hipmomswhowork: I blew off my kids’ Halloween for a Phish show. Mid-life crisis or best decision ever? http://bit.ly/37d9bf...
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:00 pm
[...] line by line lyrics, a – z lyrics, songs, tracks, music, music album, albums, singers at e10ment.comWhat Have You Done for You Lately? | Hip Moms Who WorkI abandoned my family on Halloween for a Phish concert in the desert. We mothers don't do enough for [...]