Hip Moms Who Work

This is all part of the TwitterMoms “Blog Swap” I’m a part of today.  And, I have a post on Mia’s site too about the “Reality of Motherhood”.  Please check it out over on Mia’s General Hysteria site and stay awhile to look around her great blog.

Without further adieu, Mia’s terrific post:

None of us has received a Mommy Manual. At least, I don’t know where mine is. In my 6 year quest of parenthood with 3 children, one with special needs, I have realized that should this Mommy Manual actually exist, I will certainly find a chapter on 10+ Things You’re Likely to Learn as a Parent, and here they are:

Pig wrestling isn’t just for pigs. It’s for moms and their infants. You see, there will come a day when your infant decides to be a pre-toddler. They want to see the world unrestrained and use their newly developing muscles to get them there – now. Diapers full of fowl smelling substances don’t matter; bums that need wiping for fear of what kind of cleaning will have to be done to the carpet later, don’t matter. What matters to your pre-toddler is moving…over there…right now. You, as the parent will have to get every part of your body involved if you don’t want that little squealer to wrestle away just yet.

Showers are for clean people. Or at least people who don’t have 3 completely dependent children. You’ll only be lucky enough not to smell and disguise your unshowered self from others for a very short time. Eventually, you will beg someone to cover you for 5 minutes to shower or be forced to consider lowering your cleanliness standards.

Naked girls need to eat too. Once you’ve accomplished the feat of getting 3 different meals ready for the differing tastes in the house, eating abilities, diets, sensory issues, etc and you’re able to rush to the table and pretend that you’re going to have a calm and civilized dinner with the family, you will find yourself having an event of another kind. Your daughter, not quite 2, who was smart enough to potty train herself, will demand the ability to strip herself naked. She will start with her shoes, innocent enough – they need to come off; why not take off the socks to let those toes loose. The shirt? Yes, she doesn’t want to get anything on it. The rest, in shrieking defiance NEEDS TO COME OFF. And…you will find yourself, sitting at the table, having a calm and civilized dinner with your naked daughter. Sitting on the bench next to you. Eating her spaghetti. Proud to be naked.

Q-tips are good for more than just ears. You know that period of time where your kids refuse to allow their nose to be squeegeed, but they haven’t come of the age of nose blowing, yet there’s still ‘stuff’ that needs to come out and nothing else is working. Yep. That’s when gently placed Q-tips will come into play.

The mountains aren’t just in the Rockies. They’re in your hallway too. Or your bedroom; bathroom; laundry room. Wherever it is that your laundry collects (which may be multiple places) there will grow a mountain. No matter how much washing, drying, folding and putting away you do, the mountain will always be there. If you are ever so lucky to see the floor beneath the mountain that once was, look behind you.

Mommy see, Mommy do. Big Mommy puts lotion on herself and on the children, little Mommy (aka your daughter) puts lotion on her baby dolls too. Only she will ask you in her way to do this for her; and you will; and you better do it convincingly, or she will know!

There are professional dryer vent cleaners for a reason. And they don’t use two forks together as tongs to clean out the vent either. Make this note; should you do this, you will drop a fork in the vent. You will ponder how to get this out. You will find that a Dryer Vent Cleaning Professional will get it out for you.

Boxers are the hats of champions. Your husband, child-like adult that he is, will find it quite amusing to put boxers on his head as a joke to make your children laugh. They’ll find it so humorous, yet fashionable that they’ll want their own pair. Of boxers. On their heads. As a hat. Then, to show their (child-like) father just how much they idolize his fashion sense, they will demand to wear this out to the store. In public. Boxer shorts on their heads.

Pee-Pee In The Potty isn’t on a CD. There’s a reason for that. Keep this in mind when jubilantly singing this to your daughter when she “goes”, while your developmentally delayed son watches on. You’ll find that he dances around in the neighborhood singing this at the top of his lungs with an ear to ear smile. In fact, he will get the rest of the neighborhood kids to join in, and you’ll soon have a sidewalk full of children yelling “Pee-pee in the potty! Pee-pee in the potty!” You will be proud.

3rd person is not just a writing technique. It’s how you’ll be referring to yourself for years. In fact, when you finally realize that your children will understand “I” and “me” when referring to yourself, you will have long been using 3rd person, and the habit will be hard to break. The time to seek help is when you’re referring to yourself in 3rd person to someone other than your children!

….What would things have you found yourself learning as a parent that you would add?